Woe Unto Me!!!

I have said that so many times about poor little old me. Here in Moscow, so many times I drift into thoughts about how life is "supposed" to be for our family and the drifting turns into a thoughtful rant that goes something like this:

As the father, I "know" what my family needs and I even "know" what they want! After all, I know what happiness is! I've had the "happiness" as a line in an old Bryan Duncan song states..."a nice home, two cars, three kids and a wife". After all, the Russians aren't really unhappy. I mean these people were born here. They HAVE to live here. They can't miss what they don't even know about...can they?

As a parent, when those pitiful thoughts begin in me they usually immediately go toward the kids. I feel sorry for them because they are missing what they don't even know. For example, when we had boys, I just knew someday they were going to fulfill my dream by becoming professional baseball players. And, of course, I was going to coach them all along the way. This is the way life is supposed to be...right?

Then I am reminded of another great song by one of my favorite groups. Crossway sings a song called, "When I Hear the Thunder". I will tell you about the line in that song in just a minute. But when I am in the midst of my pity, God is seen most clearly by me. I hate that about me, but that's the way it is.

Not long ago, I was riding on the Metro with Daegan. As we get on, someone lets him have their seat because Russians love to cater to young, cute little kids. I always stand. They don't care too much for old, cute big kids. :)

So I am standing on the train and Daegan is sitting nearby as I scan the train. Here we go again. I'm looking at all the gloom. The people's faces just scream this gloomy fact at you. They are just staring straight ahead or looking down at the ground. Looking at nothing. No chance of a smile.

So there is the setting and I am starting to feel it. Pity is a comin' and it's running hard as ever. What am I doing here? This is crazy!!!

Poor Falyn.

Poor Daegan.

Poor Tristyn.

Poor Karen.

Poor ME!!!

At that very moment and with those thoughts, I realized that I looked exactly like them!!! They were seeing in me what I was seeing in them. Since the pity is now really strong, God must be a comin'.

At that moment I looked down the train at Daegan. There he was. Without even knowing it, being used by God to put his dad in his place once again. Daegan was sitting there with what seemed like the biggest smile in the world on his face as he was reading his Bible. What passage he was reading, I don't know. I didn't ask him then, and I didn't ask him later. I just remained still and learned from the "Good Teacher" once again. I didn't even know Daegan had that little Bible in his pocket.

Oh, I had my Bible with me also, but it was tucked nicely away in my bag. I wasn't even thinking about reading it. After all, I was in the middle of my "party".

As I stood there, I thought about that line from the Crossway song that I mentioned above. In the chorus, there is a line of thanks to God that says:

"You've had a thousand chances to change my circumstances. But thank you Lord...for changing me instead."

"Poor" me indeed.